I sit at the desk now, remember 2008.. Remembering all I lost, all I've gained. Tears I've cried, blood I've lost. Pain I'd felt. Heart break after heart break. I wonder why now, why do we press on. You know it's been like this for a while, the only one that matters anymore in these Journal entries are the those of the past. I had an amazing friend named Sunny, she ruled at art and everything else. I had a kind friend, she was always there when I needed her. Now I weep and cannot help but cry at the loss of such great friends. I blame myself for this, yet is it my fault or times fault? Am I to blame, or have I simply become just a jerk who can't remember his friends anymore. Right now I feel so empty and dead inside, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've done so many things here, I am wondering has my time to leave come. I cannot think of why I stay here alone anymore. I often pushed myself here to forget, yet memories have returned. I cry once more, yes cry once more. It's like my heart breaks over the loss of the Amazing Sunny and other friend. Both were amazing and unforgettable, I fell for Sunny, she was twenty Six where as I was young. I was already warned by her not too. Yet I was naive and young, lesson learned. I wasn't her type simple and easy. As for the other, she moved away. But got on when she could to see me, than I got sick and just couldn't manage anymore. I got to a point where I thought death was close behind me....where I'd be up singing with angels or dancing with demons at some point.. Guess not.

Well here's how it goes, my Girlfriend was cheating on me with a girl who was one of my best friends.. Just works that way for me, loves beyond my reach.. Oh well, screw it, I like being alone. I feel so much more better knowing people enjoy breaking my heart, no more shall I accept that.. I drain myself of emotions, I drain myself of feeling. I drain it all away, just to silence the shattering sound of my heart.

I will be dressing up as a Heavy Gothic Joker with black hair.. I am going to do everything in my power to pull this look off with my hair how it is now it shouldn't be to hard.. Anyways.. I will upload tons more photos of me later. If you know me and like them let me know... Anyways talk to you all later.

Just got done with the horse show, I shall show a pure black horse in the next one.. My Girlfriend and I are working on her birthday this week, so I will be quite busy..

Alright here's the deal, I got hurt badly working with horses about a few weeks ago. Got taken to the hospital, and had to stay because they think I have a blood issue where the horse hurt me.. So I am having on of those ouch this really freaking sucks... I thought to god that damn ton worth of animal had broken my leg.. It was a close call to it though.. So I am a bit sad, but I am also stuck upon a note.. My mind is wondering about so much, if my life is what it's meant to be.. If my love is pure anymore, if I've lost all moral that I used to hold so dearly, being a nice guy and person at the same time.... For some reason, I feel like I've become a worthless jerk, which has nothing more than his normal ideals upon his mind. I've contemplated death, I contemplated life, I've looked from a window at my life, and I am unsatisfied. I find this life I live most Unsatisfying, if anything I often realize I am all alone in this house.. Their last names are Will, while mine is Bell. I am the outcast, the loner, the reject, everything, and nothing at the same time.. I write this after realizing how many people online seem to know me, in case.. Adios...My friends.