Have a happy holiday everyone

I am thinking about going to church today, it has crossed my mind around eight times, it's just something inside me warns me not to go. That if I go all I will find is pain. That Heart break, the requiem of past mistakes may play while their. I don't know if I should or not, well I am not able to have a poll really.

I feel alive and dead all at once. It's this waking up and knowing my life hasn't changed and nothing will be different the day I awaken. Seeing my family again each day, feeling more distant and alone every moment. I hope for a new beginning some days. It's just the feeling that those around me can't see me or my gifts. And it makes me question if I have them.

I see now what I have to do.. I am going to finish the Manuscript I was working on, make it to the end of my goal and hope for the best. It shouldn't take all that long to finish it.. I hope that I have all of your support.. I am sorry to those that I've grown distant from, my life was almost a fatal thing to be in for a while.. I suffered a heavy Nervous breakdown.. also found out that most of my family was lying to me about so many things.. I just couldn't handle it. So like I guess the weak person I m I lost it, sorry if I lowered your standreds of me. I'd done my best..

I feel better then I did last entry, I am more alive and filled with inspiration that boils hot within my heart. It's like this urge of writing and never stopping, it's great when the negative energy of my parent and step parent are gone. It's a feeling of content and joy, it's really nice to feel this alive again. I can only call it greatness and more so exciting. I am really happy, tomorrow is court. I will hope for the best. I've met a new girl recently named Shukai on IJ and saw Mistu today. That girl has so much talent, Mitsu is endlessly gifted. She is one of the Generation of Creation.